Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Me missing her.

Barusan gw mikir2, bulan depan balik ke Jakarta kira2 sebulan, rencananya mau ngapain aja ya? Dan tiba2 keinget di agenda gw udh ditulis tgl 29 Nov mau ziarah ke makam nya Jare.. Harusnya hari itu adalah ulang tahun dia yg ke 20.

Otomatis pikiran gw jadi nge flash back ke saat2 dulu kita selalu sama2 pas sekolah. Kangen.. Gw salut banget sama dia, she's one of the perfect ppl i've ever met (and actually made friends with). She got the look, she got the brain, and she got the heart.. Yet she's keeping down to earth and amazingly humble. Salute! She's just so perfect, the kind of best-friend that every girl has ever wanted. I envy her for everything she has.

I know she's doing well now. Tapi gw masih berharap banget utk bisa ketemu dia lima meniitt aja, nggak perlu ketemu langsung, bisa ketemu di mimpi aja gw udh seneng banget. Tapi smp saat ini gw blm pernah mimpi ketemu dia.. Pernah sekali sih, malem pertama gw denger kabar dia udh nggak ada.. Malem itu gw tidur dengan banyak tissue bertebaran di sekitar gw, soalnya gw nangis terus seharian.

Di mimpi itu, gw yg lagi tidur tiba2 kebangun dan ngeliat Jare lagi duduk di deket gw, lg posisi nyamping gitu ngeliat ke jendela. Ekspresi datar, nggak senyum, nggak bete juga. Dan dia sambil makan risol (??), pake baju putih, rambutnya digerai. Trus gw yg tadinya posisi tidur langsung duduk bersila di sebelah dia. Gw cuma nanya "Jar.. lo kenapa? lo nggak papa kan?". Gw inget bgt gw nanya itu karena saat itu masih blm jelas sebab kematiannya apa. Sambil ngunyah risol, dan masih posisi ngeliat ke jendela, dia cuma bilang "gw kaget ta..". Abis itu gw peluk dia. Udah, mimpi selesai.

Oh God. She's not even 20 yet. She's a girl who's very passionate about life, adventure, and whatever life may offer her. Dia selalu semangat, selalu excited. Pernah lho kita ujan2 pergi berdua naik busway muter2 dan foto2. hihiiii.. lucu bgt kl inget itu. Bener2 ABG abis rasanya. Jaree. Come and see me pleasee.. I just wanna see you happy and rest in peace. I just want to tell you how much I missed you, how I want to turn back time, if only i could, just to say a proper goodbye. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you were sick. I'm sorry I wasn't always there when you needed me. I'm sorry.. I'm sorry I couldn't make it to reply your letter. I'm sorry if I ever hurt your feelings.

I miss you. Desperately.

1 comment:

Mira said...

I have always wondered why the nicest people always pass away too soon, and the bad bad ones stay alive so long.

This is my take on it:

"God missed His angels, He wanted them back in Heaven. It doesn't matter how long they have been on this earth, they would have made a difference.

"The naughty ones are kept on earth so they can have the chance to repent before finding their way back."